What does unresolved conflict actually cost in dollars and cents?

Entreprenuer.com reports on a study on workplace conflict commissioned by CPP, Inc. (publishers of the Myers-Brigg Assessment and the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument) which found that “in 2008, U.S. employees spent 2.8 hours per week dealing with conflict.” Taking an average hourly pay of $17.95, this amounts to “approximately 359 billion dollars in paid hours.”

Further, the study found that 25% of employees stayed home either because they became physically ill or to avoid the conflict, that nearly 10% said that projects failed because of unresolved conflict and 33% said that someone left the company because of conflict.

In the same article, the study’s authors refer to the emotional cost of conflict referring to it as “office drama” that saps energy.

The word “drama” is exactly right. Conflict is a drama. You might as well be attending a play. Like all drama, whether on television, in a theatre, at the movies or at work, conflict has three main characters. Conflict is created by the interplay among these characters.

The Persecutor

All conflict/dramas must have a “Persecutor.” In school, we’d call this role “the bully.” This is the person who complains about others, blames them for workplace problems, acts aggressively, talks so loudly that others are disturbed, rolls his/her eyes when others speak, makes fun of people, argues over the smallest points, etc. You can recognize the Persecutor because he/she often says something like, ‘If it weren’t for…(a person or situation) everything would be fine.”

The Victim

Of course, Persecutors must have a “Victim” who is on the receiving end of the Persecutor’s behavior. The Victim believes that “If it weren’t for (the Persecutor) everything would be fine.” The Victim is nervous and frustrated around the Persecutor and will do whatever it takes to avoid him/her. The Victim usually remains silent and “takes it” until the day he/she leaves the organization because “I just can’t take it anymore.”

The Rescuer

Finally, all conflict/dramas must have a “Rescuer,” usually the Supervisor but it may be a coworker, who tries to smooth things over hoping the conflict will go away so that everyone can get back to work and just be pleasant with one another.

The unfortunate thing is that both the Persecutor and the Victim end up blaming the Rescuer. The Persecutor blames the Rescuer for meddling. The Victim resents the Rescuer for reminding the Victim of his/her powerlessness to do anything about the situation.

Every player in the drama believes he or she is right and has justification for what he/she is doing. The Persecutor knows that things would be better if the Victim changed. The Victim is afraid of the Persecutor and knows things would be better if the Persecutor changed. And, of course, the Rescuer is sure that the whole thing will go away with just a few soothing words.

But the conflict doesn’t just go away and all the costs mentioned at the beginning are incurred.

The Supervisor (or someone in authority) needs to intervene to put the curtain down to end the drama and there are basically two ways to do so:

1.Take it or leave it. Tell the Persecutor that he/she must stop his/her behavior or he/she will be terminated. Use this approach if the issue involves some violation of a law such as workplace safety or sexual harassment.

Of course, employees must be educated on these policies. But once that education has occurred, there’s no need for further discussion. The potential liability of not following the policy is too great to let the violation continue.

2.Conflict negotiation. Bring the Persecutor and the Victim together and have them negotiate an agreement for how they will behave in the future. The goal is not to have them change their minds about one another, but to change their behavior.

To be successful, enforce the rule that neither person can say anything without first paraphrasing what the other person has said. Often, the Persecutor doesn’t understand what it’s like for the Victim and vice versa.

Once both the Persecutor and the Victim have a clear understanding of each other’s positions, negotiate an agreement for how they will behave using the “If X…Then Y” model (also called “quid pro quo.” “I will do this in exchange for you doing that.”).

Conflict negotiation costs time but is not nearly as costly as letting the conflict fester. If the two parties simply cannot come to agreement, forcing an agreement (“take it or leave it”) may be appropriate.

You may not get applause for ending the conflict/drama, but you will get peace.

QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? LJBARKAN@THEPIVOTALFACTOR.COM

Permission to reproduce is granted as long as the following citation is included:

Reprinted by permission of the author, Larry Barkan: http://www.conflictresolutiontraining.net